Stimming with Intention
Using Rhythm and Repetition to Regulate
Mindfully embracing our stims can help neurodivergent adults repair after burnout, process hard feelings, and re-regulate our nervous systems. In this piece, let's explore stimming, not as a problematic behavior that needs to be supressed, but as a useful nervous system regulation tool.
Who stims?
Everyone. Especially, Autists and ADHDers like myself. People of many different neurotypes and mental health conditions enjoy stimming. For many of us, stimming goes far beyond fidgets and gadgets, and into somatic therapy. Stimming can become a practice of play, self expression, and embodiment. We can use flow, rhythm, and repetition to regulate our unique nervous systems.
According to Mirriam Webster, stimming is defined as, "a self-stimulatory behavior that is marked by a repetitive action or movement of the body (such as repeatedly tapping on objects or the ears, snapping the fingers, blinking the eyes, rocking from side to side, or grunting) and is typically associated with certain conditions (such as autism spectrum disorder)."
As I write this, many Neurodiverse families have already heard of stimming. Many people are familiar with "stim toys" and fidgets, trends like the popular Needos and Specs, or the fidget spinners and pop-its of the 2010s. Middle aged folks like me might remember the stress balls, desk toys, office fish tanks, and even the Rubik's cubes of the 1980s. We've known for a while that playing with something or looking at something cool helps people think. Parents and preschool teachers now set up elaborate "sensory bins" and tablescapes for young children to enjoy. Sensory needs are more widely understood today than they have ever been in my lifetime.
But what is stimming for adults?
And how can we use it to regulate our emotions and soothe our nervous systems?
Stimming is moving.
Intentionally stimming to regulate the nervous system could look like a repetitive, rhythmic movement:
Balancing
Biking
Bouncing
Braiding
Carving
Chewing
Climbing
Crafting
Dancing
Drawing
Drumming
Floating
Hiking
Making
Playing
Rhythm instruments
Rocking
Running
Sewing
Scootering
Shimmying
Singing
Skating
Spinning
Stretching
Strumming
Swaying
Swimming
Swinging
Twerking
Walking
Weaving
Weight lifting
Stimming is play.
If you watch children at play, you will see them stimming. Part of unguided free play, involves repetitive experimentation of sounds, sensations, and movements. People at play naturally seek flow states. Flow is a crucial ingredient to both learning and happiness*. Play feels "fun" to us because it regulates the nervous system and stimulates the learning areas of the brain. Play and fun can only exist outside of survival mode. Many adults feel like they're not "allowed" to play and don't know how to get started. Begin with a stim! For many adults, stimming can look like a hobby or past time. Can you spot the stimmy aspect of these common activities?
Acro
Fans
Fishing
Flow staff
Flow stars
Hammock
Hula hoop
Juggling
Kite flying
Lightsabers
Lyra
Nunchucks
Parkour
Pogo stick
Poi
Racquet sports
Silks
Slackline
Skating
Trapeze
Yo-yo
Stimming isn't always a movement.
Stimming can be auditory, visual, oral, textural, or even mental.
Stimming might sound like:
Making sound effects with mouth or objects
Repeating catch phrases, movie quotes or song lyrics
Noisy outbursts or loud sounds
Banging or slamming objects
Singing, keening, humming, yodeling, chanting
Repeating words back to the speaker
Mimicking animal or machinery sounds
Doing accents and funny voices
Laughing and shouting
Jokes, rhymes, and wordplay
Grunting, yelling or growling
Pushing a button repeatedly to make a communication device chant a word
Stimming is sensory input.
If you have a sense, you might be able to deliberately stimulate it, experiment and play with it.
Sight:
Riding in the car with the windows down, watching the scenery flow past.
Watching trains, construction sites, conveyor belts, pressure washing, or time lapse videos.
Gazing at moving lights, water, shapes, birds, trees, or other organic movement.
Looking at works of art or beautiful natural vistas.
Hearing:
Listening to and making music
Needing to hear a certain sound
Audiobooks or listening to someone read aloud
ASMR videos
Nature sounds, whale songs, heartbeats, pink noise
Windchimes and soft bells
Touch:
Clay
Dough
Fabrics
Face masks
Fur
Lotions
Massage
Mud
Oobleck
Slime
Temperatures
Textures
Wax
Taste (and mouth feel):
Crunchy
Salty
Savory
Spicy
Sweet
Sour
Tangy
Bitter
Bursting
Crisp
Juicy
Sharp
Hot
Dark
Rich
Creamy
Luscious
Melty
Gooey
Velvety
Refreshing
Quenching
Smell:
Aromatherapy
Baking with butter or chocolate
Cooking with aromatics
Essential oils
Fragrances from happy memories
Fresh flowers and herbs
Sniffing your pet or the top of your child's head
Seeking certain comforting scents
Incense
Perfume
Personal lotions, soaps, or body washes
Wax melts or diffusers
Stimming is feedback.
In addition to touch, taste, sight, sound, and smell, the body also craves feedback about where it is in space and what the objects in our environment are made of. Our somatic nervous system may crave information about balance, weight, pressure, force, depth, length, mass, angle, composition, and direction. This data is sensory input, too, and can be a part of our self soothing stimulation. Your body may be asking, where is the horizon? Where is my head? Where are my feet? Which way is up or down? What is this object made of? What happens if I do this to it? Through stimming we're learning a lot about what is around us, how the world works, and where we are in space/time. It helps us predict what will happen and assess danger accurately. This itself can be regulating for a bodymind that relaxes and self regulates, only when it understands what's happening and where it is.
Deep Pressure.
Many people's nervous systems enjoy deep pressure input. We find that a comforting, consensual weight on the body grounds us. Deep pressure communicates safety and tells us where we are in time and space. Deep pressure stims can look like:
Ankle or wrist weights
Cuddling
Getting smooshed by a consenting friend
Hammock
Having a dog, cat or other pet nap on you
Heavy boots
Hot, deep bath
Hot tub
Sauna
Sensory sack
Sleeping bag
Weighted blanket
Weighted vest
Wrap up like a burrito
Stimming is living.
Once you look for it, it's obvious many life tasks involve repetition, rhythm and the senses. We humans are always stimming:
Peeling fruit
Shelling beans or peas
Cracking nuts
Chopping vegetables
Working bread dough
Juicing fruits
Bathing
Brushing your hair
Rocking a baby to sleep
Sweeping and scrubbing
Achieving orgasm
Learning anything new
Stimming is release.
Stimming can also be a healthy, non destructive way to access and release anger and frustration. Shoving a wall as hard as you can for a count of 60 seconds, screaming into a pillow for 20 seconds, or kicking a punching bag until your legs are exhausted, are all good ways of releasing and expressing big feelings that have no place to go. Cyclebreakers frequently find ourselves awash with anger and grief that have no closure and no outlet. I think this is why "rage cleaning" is common among people with CPTSD like myself. What is scrubbing, sorting, sweeping, and wiping, if not repetitive movement? Can we take a therapeutic approach to these primal movements and find a way to aim them somewhere safe? Can we add a sense of play and curiosity to safely exploring the following sensations:
Biting
Crushing
Cutting objects
Kicking
Picking
Primal screaming
Pulling
Punching
Pushing
Ripping
Slamming
Stabbing
Stomping
Tearing
Throwing
Yanking
I understand that most of those words have negative or even violent connotations. But what if we reframe these actions as a morally neutral need for a particular type of movement and sensory input? For example, if your kid needs to swing around a big, heavy stick, you could take them outside and give them lots of room to swing it. My youngest likes to "get the angries out" by chopping up a cardboard box with their wooden play sword, so I let them have a bash before I throw the box in the recycling. We occasionally buy inexpensive thrift store appliances or broken gadgets and let the kids take them apart with tools to satisfy their appetite to disassemble. At our house, we have a whole passel of Squishmellows that double as punching bags and wrestling partners. There's a laundry basket by the door full of things that are okay to throw. There's always a yoga mat or a cushion nearby if we need to sit or lay on the floor. We buy our sofas second hand because they double as a gymnastics mat. Years into this journey, we now have a lifestyle and space that's centered around stimming and other nervous system regulation tools.
And this is the part where I note that not all stims are harmless or helpful. I have an eye rubbing stim that has sent me to the doctor multiple times because I scratched my own eyeball. I have done it in my sleep. Not helpful. Use your discernment about your stimming choices. Not everything that feels good IS good, ya get me?
Stimming is healing.
For people with CPTSD and relational trauma, stimming can be used as a tool to defuse left over anxiety and dysregulation after a demanding social encounter. Instead of riding the roller coaster of emotional abuse after effects as we usually do, we can now stim. Stimming can be grounding, helping us return to reality, if we've been around someone who was using scapegoating or other forms of projective identification to regulate themselves at our expense. Stimming helps us shake manipulation off. After spending time with someone who is using us for narcissistic or codependent supply, stimming can help us re-enter the present moment and stabilize our sense of self. For this type of grounding, healing stim, we can work with the four elements.
Earth: Laying directly on the ground. Laying on grass. Laying on a large, sunwarmed rock. Laying on a soft, sandy beach. Laying in a shallow stream or creek. Floating in a pool or lake.
Water: Watching water move- fish tanks, fountains, waterfalls, creeks, rivers, ocean waves, streams spilling over rocks, rain droplets rolling down a windowpane.
Fire: Watching the flames dance and feeling the heat from candles, campfires, fireplaces, or even cooking on a grill.
Air: Watching wind move through trees, bamboo, or fields of tall grass. Breathing soothing fragrances. Surrounding oneself with custom fragrances or creating a scent free home. Letting a fan or breeze blow over your body. Matching your breathing pace to a calm, consenting friend's breath. Forest bathing.
To wrap it up, here’s the story of how I discovered my own therapeutic stimming practice. During pandemic lock down, I was left without the community nervous system co-regulation that I had depended upon. I lost the variety, novelty and stimulation of daily life in a big city. Home alone with my very young kids, my essential worker spouse gone all day, I found myself drained, dysregulated and spiraling into burnout. My cup was empty and I couldn't fill it up. A busy three year old made it impossible to talk on the phone with friends, do creative projects, practice my musical instrument, or keep my environment organized. Using control to regulate myself was absolutely out of the question, my children pushed back hard against that toxic technique. With literally nothing else available to me, I decided to embrace my Autistic sensory needs and see if it helped.
Sure, I'd told myself I was functioning "just fine" until lockdown, but I finally got curious about what would happen if I accommodated myself a tiny bit. And so, with nobody around to see me, but my own stimmy kids who didn't care in the slightest, I consciously leaned into my own tendency to stim. Desperate to avoid plunging deeper into burnout, I deliberately and consciously tapped into the power of repetitive movements, pleasing sensations, calming sounds, delicious scents, attractive textures, yummy tastes and soothing visuals to help me regulate and refresh myself. I experimented with different sensations and noted how they made my body and mind feel.
What happened next was enlightening. I felt better. A lot better. Maybe better than I had since I was a little, unmasked kid.
Looking back from six years distance, today it seems obvious to me that deliberate stimming would help me. I have always loved repetitive movement. My earliest childhood nickname was "Boog" short for Boogie, as I loved to bounce to music as a baby. As a little girl, I could swing on the swingset for the entirety of recess. For my career before I was a mother, I was a performer, and my favorite part of the process was always the repetition of rehearsals and training. I was also a mosaic artist, which is an incredibly repetitive and rhythmic medium, placing glass tiles over and over and over. Are there any rhythmic, repetitive tasks that you remember enjoying as a kid? Do you have a career today that requires rhythm or repetitive movements?
Before we go, may I leave you with this, there are as many ways to stim as their are nervous systems. Ability, mobility, access and environment will all impact our stims. What works for my body, may not work for yours. What works for either of us today, may not work tomorrow under different conditions. It's good to keep experimenting, even after you find a few stims you really like. Lucky for all of us, we do not need to purchase any special materials or go anywhere to stimulate our senses. We can stim right here, right now. If you can breathe, if you can think, you can stim.
I’ve come to see that stimulating the senses can be a doorway from a stressed, survival state of being into a relaxed and safe bodymind. I invite my Neurokindred to explore stimming, if and when it's safe for you to do so.
Happy stimming!
Love, Katherine
*For more on the relationship between the flow state and mental health, see the book Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
(Author's note: As always, I am not and probably never will be a mental health professional. This is not a diagnostic tool nor medical advice. What helps me, may harm you. This is where I share what I'm learning, as I go. Please proceed accordingly. If this helps, take it with you and add to it. If it doesn't apply, cool. Thanks for reading!)